Right, hear me out. We spend a lot of time thinking about what superheroes do between saving the world. Do they meal prep? Do they have a Netflix queue? Do they argue about who left the Quinjet in a disabled parking bay? All valid questions. But the one that keeps me up at night is this: if superheroes had Steam accounts, what would their library look like? This is the superheroes and video games funny deep-dive nobody asked for but absolutely everyone needs.
Buckle up. We’re going full speculative chaos mode.
Batman: 4,000 Hours in Hollow Knight With Zero Refunds
Bruce Wayne is, above all else, a man who punishes himself. He trained for decades in every martial art known to humanity. He sleeps four hours a night in a cave. He absolutely, one hundred percent, has 4,000 hours logged in Hollow Knight and has completed every single achievement including the ones that make grown adults cry.
His Steam review would simply read: “Good. Could be harder. The Knight’s backstory resonated with me personally. Do not ask why. Five stars.”
He also owns every game in his library but has launched precisely three of them. His wishlist has 847 items. He will never buy them during a sale because he finds sales distasteful.
Spider-Man: 200 Hours in Stardew Valley, Currently Crying
Peter Parker is a broke student from Queens who patches his own suit with gaffer tape. Stardew Valley is the perfect escape. A farm, some chickens, a bloke called Harvey who might fancy him. Peak Peter energy.
His review: “Started this to unwind after a rough week. Named my farm ‘May’s Place’. Cannot stop crying. My crops are thriving though. 10/10 recommend.”
He also has 60 hours in Dave the Diver and keeps meaning to try Hades but keeps getting distracted by actual hades. You know. The real one.
Thor: Exclusively Plays God of War on the Hardest Difficulty, Furious About the Lore
Thor Odinson bought a gaming PC specifically for God of War. He launched it, saw Kratos, said “I respect this man’s arms”, and proceeded to play the entire thing in one sitting whilst eating an entire roast chicken.
His Steam review is three paragraphs of caps lock disagreeing with how Asgard is depicted, followed by: “Nevertheless, 9/10. Atreus is annoying but reminds me of Loki as a child. Do not tell Loki I said this.”
He also has Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2 because obviously he does. Twelve hundred hours. He considers it a documentary.
Tony Stark: Has Every Game, Actually Built a Better Version of Most of Them
Tony’s Steam library is 3,000+ titles. His playtime across them averages around eleven minutes each, because he finishes games by reading the code and understanding them intellectually rather than playing them like a normal person.
The exception is Kerbal Space Program 2. He has 900 hours. He has also sent several angry emails to the developers pointing out their orbital mechanics are slightly off. He was correct. He did not receive a reply.
His review of Cyberpunk 2077: “Decent world-building. The technology is quaint. Gave it five stars because the jacket in Act 2 is genuinely excellent.”
Wonder Woman: Obsessed With Total War, Terrifyingly Good at It
Diana of Themyscira has been studying military strategy since before the Roman Empire was a going concern. Total War: Pharaoh, Total War: Warhammer III, Total War: Three Kingdoms – she owns all of them, she has completed all of them on the hardest difficulty, and she has written a forty-page strategic analysis document that she posts on the subreddit under a username nobody suspects is actually Wonder Woman.
Her Steam review of any Total War title: “Historically inaccurate in places I witnessed personally. Mechanically satisfying. I have overthrown seventeen AI civilisations this month. Recommended.”
She also plays Civilisation VII but quits every run when her chosen leader makes a decision she finds diplomatically baffling.
The Hulk: Only One Game in the Library
Bruce Banner installed Gang Beasts at a team movie night. The Hulk took over during a particularly competitive round. Nobody has spoken about it since. The account still has one review: “SMASH. 5 STAR.”
Banner himself has been attempting to finish Disco Elysium for two years. He gets emotionally overwhelmed by the writing. He relates to Harry Du Bois deeply and finds this upsetting.
Loki: 100% Achievement Hunter, Always Uses Exploits
Loki has 100% achievements in forty-seven games. He achieves this by finding every exploit, glitch, and shortcut available, and he considers this entirely valid. He is not cheating. He is innovating.
His favourite genre is immersive sim. He has written a 6,000-word Steam review for Dishonored 2 that is genuinely one of the most insightful pieces of game criticism ever produced, published under the username “NotLoki_Definitely_A_Normal_Person”. It has 47,000 upvotes.
He also gifted Thor a copy of Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy for Christmas and refuses to apologise.
Why This Matters (It Doesn’t, But Hear Me Out)
The joy of thinking about superheroes and video games funny scenarios like this is that it reveals character in a weirdly accurate way. Batman’s masochism, Peter’s sentimentality, Tony’s insufferable genius. Games have a way of exposing who we really are, whether you’re a caped vigilante or just someone who spent six hours redesigning their Stardew Valley farm layout instead of going to sleep.
If you want to go even deeper on gaming culture and why it matters, the BBC’s gaming coverage has some genuinely interesting pieces on how games shape identity and culture. Much like a certain Asgardian’s forty-page Total War analysis, it’s worth a read.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to log off and check whether Spider-Man has managed to confess his feelings to Harvey in Stardew Valley. This is urgent. This is important. This is the real heroism.
Frequently Asked Questions
What games would Batman most likely play on Steam?
Batman would almost certainly gravitate towards brutally difficult games like Hollow Knight or Sekiro, where suffering is the point and mastery takes hundreds of hours. He’d probably also have a massive strategy library he never touches, much like his emotional openness.
Is there a superhero video game on Steam worth playing in 2026?
Absolutely. Titles like Spider-Man: Miles Morales (available on PC via Steam), Batman: Arkham Knight, and the Marvel’s Midnight Suns are all solid picks. The Steam superhero catalogue has grown massively in recent years with genuinely excellent ports.
Which superhero would actually be the best gamer?
Realistically, Tony Stark’s processing speed and pattern recognition would make him almost unbeatable in competitive games. However, Loki’s willingness to exploit every mechanic and loophole might give him the edge in terms of raw completion rates and achievement hunting.
Why is the idea of superheroes playing video games so funny?
The humour comes from the contrast between their world-saving responsibilities and completely relatable gaming habits, like quitting a run because an AI made a bad decision or crying over a farming sim. It’s the superheroes and video games funny formula that works every time: take something epic, make it mundane.
What genre of games would Thor most likely enjoy?
Thor is a natural fit for action RPGs and hack-and-slash titles like God of War or Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2. Anything with epic combat, massive enemies, and a story involving gods, battles, or honour would absolutely be in his Steam library.